Preface:

These words are for you.

If you are currently married, these words provide understanding for your current situation.

If you are single, dating, or engaged, these words provide understanding for your future situation.

If you are divorced, first, I want to say that I am truly sorry for the pain, suffering, anger, bittiness, and hurt that you have experienced. Second, I want to comfort you with the good news that we all have, the good news that you are Jesus Christ’s bride, first and foremost, and that marriage is perfect in every way and will last forever. It is a marriage in which you will never be hurt, never suffer, and never be forsaken.

Whether you are young or old, married, engaged, dating, or single, male or female, God has been gracious to you and gives you these words about marriage.

[22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

 [25] Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26] that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27] so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28] In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body. [31] “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. [33] However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

–Ephesians 5.22-33–

Theologians Andreas Köstenberger and David Jones sum up the West’s current situation well when they write,

“For the first time in its history, Western civilization is confronted with the need to define the meaning of the terms “marriage” and “family.” What until now has been considered a “normal” family, made up of a father, mother, and a number of children, has in recent years begun to be viewed as one among several options.” (God, Marriage, and Family, 25)

That being said, Biblical Scholar John Stott summarizes God’s definition of marriage for us.

“Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by the leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership, and normally crowned with the gift of children.” (Involvement, 163)

In response to God’s ordaining of marriage, Paul gives the Christians in the city of Ephesus instructions for their relationships.

Paul’s instructions are simple and he defines each gender role with one command.

To the woman he says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands.”

And, to the men he says, “Husbands, love your wives.”

In the sports of ultimate fighting and wrestling, there is something called a submission hold. When one fighter has his opponent held in a painful position where he can’t move or escape, this is a submission hold. Left without any other options, the opponent is forced to either submit (give up) or deal with the extreme pain of a dislocated joint,torn tendons or worse.

Our self-centered mindset causes us to get caught up in the commands present in this section of Paul’s letter as if these instructions for marriage were putting us into a submission hold where we either give in or suffer pain for the rest of our lives.

With this self-centered mindset, we only hear, “Wives, SUBMIT to your own husbands!” and “Husbands, LOVE your wives!”

When we only hear those two sentences and neglect the rest of the words surrounding them, we immediately react with an attitude that says, “Oh, no he didn’t just say that!”

We experience feelings of anxiety and anger believing that Paul’s commands demand us to be slaves to our spouses.

We believe that these commands hold us in a position where we can’t move or escape.

We believe that if we want to make it out of marriage alive, we have to give in, give up, and begrudingly do what the other desires for us to do.

We begin to feel like we are going to spend our lives as prisoners.

We huff and puff while thinking, “Nobody is going to tell me what to do” or “I make the money and that makes me king of this castle and everyone else in it is my servant!”

We also begin to justify our selfishness with thoughts such as, “I have a college degree and I am going to get exactly what I want out of life!,” “I have a job and I am entitled to get my way!,” “I spend my day busting my hump, I deserve to disappear into my man cave when I get home!,” and “Weekends are for sports and beer. Stop bothering me!”

When we ONLY hear, “Wives, SUBMIT to your own husbands!” and “Husbands, LOVE your wives!,” we are missing out on the good news found in the majority of these 12 verses.

These two commands that define the gender roles within a marriage relationship are beautifully tucked into a thick nest of good news.

All around the commands for a woman and a man bound together in marriage are words telling us who Jesus Christ is and what Jesus Christ has done for us.

You who find yourself having faith in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection are included in the Church and are therefore part of Christ’ living and active body. As a member of Jesus’ Church, you have the grace of God poured out upon you and Ephesians 5 tells you that:

• Jesus is your Savior.
• Jesus gave Himself up for you.
• Jesus sanctified you.
• Jesus cleansed you.
• Jesus washes you through Baptism and His Word, the Bible.
• Jesus presents you to God the Father in Heaven without any wrinkle or blemish.
• Jesus makes you holy.
• Jesus nourishes you.
• And, Jesus cherishes you.

You are loved by Jesus.

Through Jesus’ submission to the will of God the Father, the will that sent Jesus to live, die, and rise again, Jesus holds you close, gently assuring you that you are loved, cared for, and provided for.

God’s grace has been poured out upon you and your sins have been forgiven and eternal life is yours.

God looks at you and calls you perfect and holy because of Jesus’ completed work for you.

When you believe in the incomprehensible love that Jesus has for you, a love that caused Him to die on the cross for you, you cannot help but want to submit to Him and His authority because you know that He will never harm you but will always love and accept you.

One thing becomes clear to you is that Jesus does not have you in a painful submission hold, forcing you to obey Him and love Him.

Through His Spirit placed in you, you now want to do those things!

Outside of Christ, you are resistant and you hate.

In Christ you are submissive and loving.

Charles Spurgeon, the 19^th century English preacher, said this about Jesus’ love:

“This love of Christ is the most amazing thing under Heaven, if not in Heaven itself. How often have I said to you that if I had heard that Christ pitied us, I could understand it. If I had heard that Christ had mercy upon us, I could comprehend it. But when it is written that he actually loves us, that is quite another and a much more extraordinary thing! Love between mortal and mortal is quite natural and comprehensible, but love between the Infinite God and us poor sinful finite creatures, though conceivable in one sense, is utterly inconceivable in another. Who can grasp such an idea? Who can fully understand it? Especially when it comes in this form—“ HE” (read it in large capitals) “loved me, and gave Himself for me”— this is the miracle of miracles!” (“ Christ’s Love to His Spouse,” emphasis in original)

If the starting point for marriage is me, then I am starting at the wrong place. Marriage exists for Jesus Christ’s glory. Let your marriage be an offering of worship as you love each other, forgive each other, and serve each other. Let your relationship serve as an aroma of Christ before a watching world.

Because Jesus submitted to God and loves you without limit, wives, submit to your own husbands as the Church submits to Christ.

Know that your husband loves you.

Know that your husband cares for you.

Know that your husband provides for you.

Know that your husband is willing to give Himself up for you.

Husbands, love your wives as Jesus loves the Church.

Care for her.

Provide for her.

Put your wife’s needs above your own.

And always be willing to give yourself up for her.

In all of this, prayerfully dwell on the love of Christ daily, as you seek to live out a Spirit-filled marriage.

Amen.

Pastor Fred

July 9, 2017